Chapter Ninety Three
Immortality Soup

Hello, there.

If you are reading this, then I assume you are either a mortal who somehow stumbled upon this text or a young demigod seeking to ascend closer to Eledumare’s throne. If you are the latter, I welcome you. Soon you shall sit with me and the other gods in Ọ́run. You shall be able to descend into hell, Apadi, and the fires shall not hurt you. You will live forever, enjoying the praise and adoration of the mortals on the earth below. You will be a god.

If you are the former, I advise you to turn away immediately. Shut this book and forget you ever read these words. If you persist, you will either run mad or get obsessed with the disastrous recipes on these pages. There are instructions here on how to prepare foods with power to poison the gods themselves. Of course, you probably wouldn’t be able to find most of the ingredients anyway but prevention is better than a cure. We cannot risk this knowledge falling into the wrong hands. Farewell, human.

So, young demigod, shall we begin? I haven’t introduced myself, have I? I apologize.

I am Eshu, god of pathways and trickery, god of lost souls and thieves, god of magic and chronicler of the heavens.

I am the most powerful Orisha, but this story isn’t about me. It is about turning you into a god, so settle down on your mortal butt and read. Read and memorize, for you cannot consult lines and pages you have read before. Such is the magic of the gods. Ready? Here we go.

• • • •

This is how you prepare a meal to grant immortality:

1

Gather your ingredients.

List: onions, peppers, salt, seasoning, meats, water, oil, random leaves and seeds, godblood.

Guide:

Peppers & Onions

You’ll need the tatashe, fiery red peppers that can only be found growing at the foot of Sango’s fiery mountain. Be careful not to breathe in the volcano’s poisonous air. Sango is always performing some experiment or the other in his volcano and he couldn’t care less what happened to the environment. Yes, he’s a real prick, but don’t tell him I said that. He may be a weirdo but he gets angry easily and he’s the god of thunder plus the king of the gods. Not a good person to cross.

Do not pick the tatashe with your bare hands or your skin will peel right off. I recommend metal gloves, if you can find them. Yes, I’m serious.

The tatashe must be stored between hot coals while you prepare the other ingredients. Be watchful and fan the coals regularly or better still, replace them regularly to keep the tatashe’s temperature up. If they are not stored appropriately, they will lose potency and turn to ash.

Next, locate the rodo. Unlike the tatashe, these peppers are not fiery. They sting instead. You can only find these tiny peppers in Apadi. Yes, hell. They are nicknamed hell’s peppers for a reason. Of course, you won’t survive a trip to Apadi so you’ll probably have to bribe a lesser god to get it for you. I know for a fact that Afẹfẹ, the wind god, runs an illegal smuggling business between Ọ́run and Apadi. He loves honey so if you can get him a pot of fresh honey, he will get you whatever you want. Be careful though, Afẹfẹ is one of my children and possesses all of my cunning. He will certainly try to trick you. Don’t believe a thing he says and don’t pay him until he gets you the rodo.

The final pepper you must gather is shombo. This is perhaps the most important pepper and the most difficult to get. I know what you’re thinking. A wacky god’s volcano and hell itself . . . what could be more dangerous? Well, I never said it was dangerous. The word I used was difficult.

The shombo grows only in the garden of Ọya, the mother of creation and wife to Sango. This garden is located somewhere on earth or Ayé, the world of the humans, and it is said that only the pure of heart can locate it. Maybe that is why, despite several attempts, I have never found the garden.

There are several rare fruits in the garden with extraordinary powers that not even the gods possess. There are plums capable of granting anyone the ability to control every single human in Ayé. There are pomegranates that can wake the dead and actually restore them to life, something not even the gods can do. There are oranges that can give one power that temporarily eclipses the combined might of the other Orisha. Of course, the last one is what I’m after. Don’t ask me why.

You must sneak into the garden, which is guarded by winged spirits called Igún. They will let you pass if your heart is pure. Don’t try to fight them. I have tried and every time their claws have drawn blood from my skin. You must locate the shombo quickly and ensure you are cleansed while picking them. This means you must not have any kind of carnal relations for seven days before you venture out to find the shombo. After picking them, get out as fast as you can because Ọya will be after you and trust me, she is one goddess you don’t want to face.

I have to tell you this (and it’s not because she has caught me trying to find her garden to raid it on more than a thousand occasions) but Ọya is really scary. She has to be, I suppose. How else would she cope with my brother’s unstable emotions? Anyway, if you can get your hands on the shombo then that’s it for the peppers. Store it in a cool dark place that the light of the sun cannot reach because if sunlight can touch it then Ọya can find it and if she finds you . . . I’ll leave what comes next to your imagination.

Now, you must collect the alubosa, onions that grow under the earth in places where blood has been shed for a rightful cause. These onions are purplish green in colour. Do not confuse them with the reddish brown ones. Those are alubosha. Note the difference. The alubosha grow under the earth in places where blood has been shed unjustly, and if you add them to your ingredients instead of the right onions and eat them, you will not become a god. You will become an alujonu, a demon. I am not joking. Harvesting the alubosa you need is quite simple, though it has always been difficult to say for sure what the definition of a righteous cause is, so be careful.

That’s it for the first set of ingredients. What? You forgot something? Didn’t I tell you to take notes at the beginning of this chapter? I didn’t? Well, start taking notes.

All right, then. Let’s continue.

Salt And Seasoning

This is left to you, really, and shouldn’t make much difference whether they’re included or not. Of course, I don’t think food prepared without salt would be edible. Also, you would totally miss the flavour that seasoning would provide, right?

You can use the normal salts that humans use to prepare their food but to be honest, they won’t bring out the flavour of your other powerful ingredients.

I advise you to visit the salt mines under the sea. Olokun, the sea god, is even more temperamental than Sango but he is vain. Praise him eloquently and he’ll let you dive to the bottom of the sea for his pure salts.

Seasoning can be gotten from the seeds of the adùn fruit. These trees are easy to find in the human world: look for trees with red leaves, leaning to the east. When you get the fruits of the tree, split them and take out the seed. Grind them into powder. They’ll grant your soup exceptional sweetness. It was with these seeds that Ọya, Sango’s second wife, prepared a meal for him and bewitched him into falling in love with her, but you didn’t hear that from me.

You have your salt and you have your sweetness. Now, let’s get to the next ingredient.

Meat

I am aware that there are gods who don’t eat meat, like Ọsun and Ọrunmila. Several humans take after them as well. I have nothing against them but I think they’re really missing out. If you are one of these . . . vegetarians, you may skip this section. You probably won’t be as powerful as you should be if you omit one of the ingredients, but who needs power anyway? As long as you’re an immortal Orisha, eh?

The meat that should be included in the soup is the flesh of Lakatabu, the immortal golden elephant.

As old as the first gods themselves, the golden elephant is one of the Creator’s first works. Eledumare made the animal from his godblood, the same way he made the first gods. Lakatabu is a fearsome creature with foot-long tusks and speed that belies its enormous size. Since it does not require food for survival, it is not carnivorous, but it kills beings that trespass in its territory.

What you must do is approach the elephant when it is asleep. This is almost impossible, though. Lakatabu is wise and has experienced several demigods venturing into its territory over the years, trying to harvest a chunk of its body to add to their soup. It doesn’t matter that it heals itself without stress. It is the disrespect that actually rankles it.

You have two options. You either approach the golden elephant and carefully state your purpose. If it deems you worthy, it may allow you to cut a part of it. Of course, the chances are quite high that you’ll die immediately as it sees you, its tusks skewering your stupid heart before you utter a word.

The best option is to put it to sleep with music from the same magic flute the legendary human hero, Akin, had used when he walked into heaven and stole power from the gods. The flute is located in Ayé, hidden in a temple. You should have no trouble finding it. Make sure you return the flute when you finish your mission.

Once you’ve cut out what you need from Lakatabu, store the fresh meat in a calabash. Keep it there and then go get everything else. Fear not, the meat will not decay.

Now, you must get the next ingredient.

Water

You cannot just take water from any stream to use as base for your soup. You must use only the purest freshwater and that can only be found in Ọsun’s streams.

Ọsun is Sango’s other wife. She is the nice one, goddess of mothers and purity. I like Ọsun because she doesn’t judge. Unlike the other gods, she never makes snide remarks about my activities. She doesn’t try to say I am not a real god. She views everyone through the same eyes. Perhaps this is also why she is the goddess of balance.

Ọsun should let you get water from her streams easily. Just ensure you are cleansed, just like the time you got the shombo from Ọya’s garden. Give Ọsun your thanks and leave without looking back.

This is certainly the easiest thing to get on this list.

Oil

I am not aware of special requirements for this. You may use palm oil or groundnut oil. It depends on you and isn’t necessarily an ingredient that must be added. Let’s move on.

Leaves and Seeds

The leaf you need is the one humans use for ẹfọ riro, their vegetable soup. However, you must go into the forest and find it in a place where it grows wild. It must be at dawn, when the leaves are wet with dew. Gather the leaves right there using only your right hand. Do not touch them with your left hand or they won’t work. When you have plucked a sufficient amount, walk backwards ‘til you reach the path. Then you can turn and return home. Do not utter a single word ‘til you are far from the forest.

Store the leaves in a dark room then go look for the melon seeds used to cook the delicious ẹgusi soup. Gather as many unripe melons as you can, then open them with a knife. You will see the seeds inside. Pick every third seed aside and when you have a good number, discard the rest and take the seeds you set aside. These are what you will add to your soup.

Be patient, young demigod. We are almost there.

Godblood

This ingredient comes last because it is almost impossible to get. You might as well go ahead and prepare your soup with the ingredients listed above. You won’t be a god, but you will live longer than other mortals and as a demigod, you will possess certain enhanced abilities. But you won’t be a god.

Godblood, the silvery liquid that runs through the veins of the Orisha, can be used for several things. You can create draughts of death from it if you’re a talented alchemist, it can be used to create an elixir of immortality without the other ingredients, and it is also needed if one was to create a poison to kill the gods. Yes, it is that powerful.

You have two options. You can go to any of the numerous lesser gods around and beg them for a drop of their blood. Due to the magic in their godblood, you will certainly possess some of the characteristics of those gods. If you get blood from the minor god Afẹfẹ, for instance, you will inherit some of his wind controlling powers.

Getting godblood from lesser gods means you have to worship them first, and since most of them are not worshipped regularly, I predict that they will quickly grant you any boon you desire. If you have little ambition and you don’t really like power, go ahead and solicit a minor god for their blood.

The second option is to approach any one of the first gods and ask for godblood. This is almost impossible, of course. You will certainly be rejected, and with good reason.

As you know, the first gods were created directly by Eledumare, formed from his own godblood. Their blood is the purest among gods. They cannot just give it away. Some of the vain ones, like Ogun the war god, might ask you to go on quests to prove you’re worthy of receiving his blood. The crazy ones like Ṣàngó may challenge you to a duel to the death. The rigid ones like Ọrunmila will tell you no and nothing else.

I cannot blame them. Few weapons can pierce the skin of gods and fewer creatures can hurt us. The Igún, the hybrid vulture guides of Ọya’s garden, are an example of such creatures. When a god bleeds, bad things happen.

I will not delve into the details here but the pain a first god feels when they bleed . . . it’s terrible.

So, get godblood. I cannot help you get this. It may take you a year or ten or twenty. It may take you your entire lifetime to gather this final ingredient but once you do, you will finally be ready to cook.

You will be ready to ascend.

2

Cook

Make sure you cook at night, under the full moon. Dress yourself in white garments and make sure you are cleansed. Recite the incantations in the book of rites which you must have read before reading this book. If you haven’t, you can find it in Ọrunmila’s library.

After reciting the incantations, begin cooking.

Your flames must be produced by firewood as this gives the soup a special flavor. Set a big pot on the fire and pour the water in it. Add your ingredients in the order which you gathered them. This is very important.

Wait for seventy minutes between the addition of each ingredient.

As you add each ingredient, offer prayers to Eledumare. Pray for his mercy. If he doesn’t deem you worthy, no amount of delicious food will persuade him to elevate you to full godhood.

Do not leave the pot unattended. Do not speak except when you are praying or reciting necessary incantations.

By the time you add the last ingredient, the godblood, the soup should be reddish brown in color, with the vegetable leaves remaining green. Add the godblood and it should turn even redder and glow, bubbling with sudden power.

Offer your thanks to the creator and snuff out the flames. You are done cooking.

3

Eat

There are no rites here. Eat however you want. I recommend making staple food and eating the morsels with soup.

You can pour cassava flour in boiling water and make ẹba from it. You can also make àmàlà from yam flour. Just make sure you finish the soup in one sitting.

After eating, you should sleep. Eledumare himself will manifest in your dreams and tell you what you must do.

Enjoy!

• • • •

Before you go, you should know that there are other ways to become a god. You can get blessed by Eledumare at the point of death. You can use the dark arts to give yourself immortality and great power. You can even trick the creator himself. The last one is what I did.

Yes, I used to be human. One day, I found a fatally wounded demigod in the forest. He was upright and steadfast, a true believer. He was on a quest to attain immortality when something happened and he was left on death’s doorstep.

I had learnt a lot about the gods at that point and possessed some considerable magic skills so I knew Eledumare would probably bless him with immortality. So I killed the demigod and cast an illusion to look like him.

I make it sound so simple but of course, it isn’t. You can break out of the box, like me, and get your godhood through unconventional means or you can use the soup.

Writing this book is one of the eternal punishments I was given for breaking the rules. I have four thousand chapters left so I must stop here. Someday, after your ascension, come find me in my prison, also known as Ọrunmila’s library. Maybe we can share a gourd of palm wine. It gets quite lonely sometimes.

Farewell, young one, and happy feasting! I wish you luck.