LOVE IN FAST FORWARD by Lisa Lev

June 28, 2031

How Living the Same Day Over & Over Can Break You Out of Your Romance Rut

We all know, by now, how common time loops are. In less than a decade, they’ve moved from the realm of SF movies into the slightly less-realistic realm of self-help books—most famously, Moving On: How to Keep Going When Time Literally Stops—and popular country songs—most infamously, Loved You a Million Times. But did you know that time loops can also change your dating life?

Hear me out. You know how hard it is to find a good guy? You know how sometimes you feel like you couldn’t snag one even if you had eternity to try?

Well, what if you did have eternity?

We still don’t know exactly what causes time loops, despite a few dozen research projects and several thousand conspiracy theories. But just in case you find yourself in one, here are some ideas for how to find love by the time you’re out:

[1] Expand Your Dating Pool

Be methodical; you have all the time in the world. Go to different places every sameday. Charity events, dog parks, book events, lectures . . . basically the same places I recommended in this newsletter, except now you definitely have time to actually go to them all. (Even if you still don’t really want to.)

[2] Do Your Research

You know how easy it is to fall for the wrong guy based on first impressions? (If you’ve been reading this newsletter for a while, you absolutely do.) Well, now you’ve got time to put him through his paces! Find out how he reacts to pressure, to traffic, to a two-hour discussion about your feelings, to you asking him if you look fat, to his ex-girlfriend being in the same restaurant, to you dumping a glass of water over his head because he looked at his ex-girlfriend for too long. Remember, once the day resets, he’ll never know what you did. But you’ll know what he did.

[3] Get His Attention

Once you’ve found your perfect guy, you need to figure out how to make him notice you. You can try anything—it doesn’t matter. If you’re humiliated, rejected, ignored, fired for workplace harassment, or even arrested—it’s all cool. In less than twenty-four hours, it will have never happened. There is literally nothing at stake except your heart.

Though some might say that in a situation where time is meaningless, the human heart is the only thing that matters.

• • • •

LOVE IN FAST FORWARD by Lisa Lev

June 29, 2031

An Update

Okay, dear readers, I have an addition to the list from my previous newsletter:

[4] Don’t Fall in Love Too Fast

A slight problem with falling in love while in a time loop is that eventually, you’ll get out of the time loop. And then you’ll find yourself emotionally entangled with a man who, as far as he knows, just met you yesterday.

Personally, I don’t recommend it.

That’s it for today.

• • • •

LOVE IN FAST FORWARD by Lisa Lev

June 30, 2031

How To Find Love with A Fellow Looper

Imagine going through the same experience with someone, not just once, but over and over. Will it bring you closer together, so you emerge from the time loop as a tight couple? Or will it make you get on each other’s nerves so much that you want nothing to do with each other?

(See my earlier newsletters on marriage for a more thorough discussion of this topic.)

Well, that depends on the guy. Will he choose a relationship with a woman who already knows all his mistakes? Or will he choose a string of consequence-free liaisons with women who won’t even know when he ghosts them?

Do I sound bitter? Let’s just say, I’ve done my research, and there’s only one item on the How To Find Love With A Fellow Looper list:

[1] Don’t.

• • • •

LOVE IN FAST FORWARD by Lisa Lev

Aug 7, 2031

How To Snag a Looper

I’m back, devoted readers! Sorry for the delay—turns out, writing about heartbreak for a living doesn’t actually immunize one to it. But I think I’ve finally cracked the time loop question, and this will be my final newsletter on the subject.

For the last entry in this series, I’m going to share another way to use time loops to your advantage. Turns out, it is actually the least effort-intensive and the most fun—for you, anyhow.

Want to date a guy who already read your favorite book series so he can intelligently discuss it with you? Who has figured out how to snag a reservation at that restaurant you’re dying to try? (Yeah, they said it was impossible. Give it several hundred do-overs, and anyone can manage anything.) Who can take you out on a perfect first date, because he’s rehearsed it so many times?

That’s my epiphany. You don’t have to get stuck in a time loop—which is something you can’t control, anyhow. Instead, while moving linearly through time, you can use your agency and find a guy who is stuck in a time loop.

How, you might ask, do you find—and then snag—a looper? I am, as always, here with the answers:

[1] Hang Out in Libraries

Loopers are bored. Very, very bored. If they like to read, they find their way here eventually. And if they don’t like to read . . . well, why are you bothering?

[2] Create an Easily Preventable Disaster

Knock over a coffee mug. Walk into the path of a (soft) flying object. Step into a gross-looking puddle. If there’s a looper nearby, he’ll likely step in and save you. Maybe not the first dozen times, but that’s okay, you won’t remember those. (Or will you? I’m not 100% clear on the science here. In my defense, neither is anyone else.)

[3] Network

Don’t be afraid to ask people if they’ve noticed anything unusual about their male friends today. Did one of them suddenly win the lottery? Get astronomically better at a really niche skill? Make it through all the levels of a video game in one shot? That’s someone you want to meet.

[4] End Things Early

I can’t stress this one enough. Because dating loopers has one significant drawback: everyone gets out of the time loop eventually. So the day after your perfect first date, you’ll find yourself on a second date / in a relationship with someone who is deeply, passionately in love with you, knows everything about you, and was literally ready to propose marriage yesterday.

If that sounds good, more power to you. But if you find it appropriately creepy, the solution is simple: don’t give him any way to contact you. Most loopers have trouble adjusting to linear time and its lack of do-overs, so chances are, he’ll give up on finding you pretty fast.

So, dear readers, that’s my final piece of advice to you. Date a looper. Break his heart. And then do the one thing a time loop can’t help you with.

Move on.