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ANNOUNCEMENT: We’re currently running our first Kickstarter campaign in more than a decade, to fund Year 17 of Lightspeed and Year 15 of Nightmare. Visit lightspeedmagazine.com/kickstarter to check it out. Funding the campaign will bring all-new stories to Lightspeed from the likes of Charlie Jane Anders, Travis Baldree, Olivie Blake, P. Djèlí Clark, Ken Liu, Hugh Howey, Seanan McGuire, Rebecca Roanhorse, Veronica Roth, Jeff Vandermeer, and more. The campaign ends October 15, so back now!

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Congratulations on your Magic Sword™! For all inquiries as to its powers and perils, please consult the Virtue Exercises Manual™. However, we know new users sometimes get in over their heads. That’s why messages like this may appear on your blade. If you see such a message, heed it promptly, and everything will be fine.

Welcome to heroism. We’ve been waiting for you!

1. Most users find it beneficial to keep their Magic Sword™ sheathed in its Containment Scabbard™, stored in its Sacred Case™, in a dry closet (preferably on a high shelf that is difficult to reach). Keep it like this for 3-5 business days while consulting the Virtue Exercises Manual™ and doing the thrice-daily exercises. Upon completion of all materials in the Virtue Exercises Manual™, you should be ready to have a long and fulfilling partnership with your Magic Sword™.
2. Should you find yourself pointing your Magic Sword™ at your own neck (or other beloved body part), you have likely erred in regard to ethical uses of the Magic Sword™. The Magic Sword™ has taken brief control of your body to warn you about your lapse. You are likely reading this message on the blade while the Magic Sword™ has turned on you. Promptly review the Virtue Exercises Manual™ content from pages 2-14, and read out loud from the sections on how even the unworthy often possess trace elements of innocence and value to society. Continue reciting these sections until you can safely return the Magic Sword™ to its Containment Scabbard™. Then extricate yourself to a distance at least five miles away from the Magic Sword™ for approximately 7-10 business days. It’s all right. Mistakes happen.
3. You appear to be trying to appease your Magic Sword™ by unleashing it against a verminous soul. Any unscrupulous law enforcer or landlord should suffice. While you confront an appropriately verminous soul, be sure to enunciate loudly and clearly about mercy. Slaying a verminous soul is acceptable, but using the power of the Magic Sword™ to cause a change of heart reduces the blade’s chances of turning on you. You’ve had a troubled road so far, but congratulations on taking the first steps to becoming an Arm of Justice^©.
4. So you tried to jailbreak your Magic Sword™. You reviewed the Virtue Exercises Manual™ and thought you found a loophole. It doesn’t matter whether you thought it was acceptable to settle an old vendetta at swordspoint (it wasn’t), or thought it was righteous to pursue shoplifters (you should’ve acted like you didn’t see anything), or you were just trying to impress women (they were mortified for you). Now you’re ruing pretty hard. You’re not the first to fall from grace. Supposing you still have a hand attached to your body, use it to polish the blade and try to appease it. You’ve still got your manual. You’ve still got your life. There has to be a reason why you applied for possession of a Magic Sword™ in the first place, and it wasn’t to abuse power. Today is the day you seize your destiny and turn your life around. Become a legend. Become an Arm of Justice^©.
5. There is no easy way to say this. We know you found this Magic Sword™ on the corpse of an unworthy soul, and likely that unworthy soul was attacking you. Perhaps you witnessed the Magic Sword™ terminating its relationship with its previous owner. And yet, we know there’s very little chance you will return this Magic Sword™ to us. Honestly, both you and we are lucky if you read the instructions etched onto this blade long enough to reach this piece of advice. Knowing that you intend to steal a highly judgmental weapon, and that you are standing over the carnage of someone else’s hubris, we have one parting recommendation: Please read the fucking manual.