Dad went out to get the milk and came back with two scars on his upper chin and a brand from the Druid King on his right thigh. He stumbled through the door like it was nothing; face scarred; eyes full of light.

Mum and Tega and I were eating dinner. We didn’t notice when he stepped through the door.

“Milk’s cold,” Mum said, not taking her eyes away from the TV. These days, she hardly seemed to care.

• • • •

Dad went out to get the milk and came back with three burns on his upper temple and a black eye the size of a fist. He stumbled through the portal like a knocked-out fighter, holding in his hands a treasure chest he stole from the troll world.

“Presents!” He said. Tega and I ran up to him like he was made of candy. Tega held up the diamond crusted troll tiara and frowned.

“Dad, you got this color last time.”

• • • •

Dad went out to get the milk and came back with six fang bites from the werewolf princess and a deed for a luxury condo in the werewolf kingdom. He told us about it all through dinner, when we scraped a plate of food that had been finished for hours.

“So, what’s everyone been up to?” He asked.

“My school play was today,” I replied.

“Oh!” He said.

None of us bothered to answer.

“Really?”

• • • •

Dad went out to get the milk and dropped two gallons of whole milk in the backseat. The sun was scorching on our foreheads in the middle of July as we lugged out heavy bags from his brand-new car.

Dad winked at mum from the driver’s seat. “Told you I’d handle it.”

She looked at the receipt. “Tega’s drinking almond now.”

Dad raised up a hand. “Oh, for fu—”

• • • •

Dad went out to get the milk and came back with a giant scroll from the elf kingdom and a statue of an unseen leprechaun city. He stormed into my room while Mum was helping me get dressed for a birthday party.

“Do you want to test out the statue’s powers? We can burn a hole in things.”

“Not now, Dad! They said best dressed gets a free Nintendo.”

We closed the door in his face.

• • • •

Dad went out to get the milk and came back with two swords from the Giant Chief and an invitation to an all-or-nothing duel. He stormed into my room while I was reading for my common entrance exams.

“Up for an adventure, Jonathan?”

His gaze was heavily focused on me. He could break if I said no.

“Sure?”

He grinned and handed me a glass sword covered in flames. “Don’t worry, this is all you need.”

We went through the portal, and the giant people welcomed us with a chant. We were in the ring, breath to breath with our competitors; there was no time to think. I donned a layer of protective armor that consisted of a helmet larger than my head and chainmail that fell to my knees. I swung headfirst and closed my eyes.

It all ended in twenty seconds because my phone rang. Mum was calling, and Dad saw her face on the line and started to sweat. He scooped me up by my arms and carried me home, where she was waiting in the living room. Her eyes were flashing red.

They both told me to go to my room.

• • • •

Dad went out to get the milk and came back Thursday night and came back Friday morning and came back Saturday evening and came back Sunday at sundown when it was raining. He held orc milk in hand like it was a beer, and he was slurring at the door. Mum told us to switch off the TV and go to our rooms, but Dad told us to stay or go because he didn’t care. Because no one appreciated him anyway. He tried, tried so hard, he got us seashell encrusted binoculars and mermaid jewels from sun-scorched oceans, he fought soul-snatching hellhounds to secure our futures, he let us have soda whenever we want, and nobody cared. Nothing was ever enough. Nobody stretched out a hand and saw that he came back, he always, always came back.

We were silent. Mum took a step forward and put a hand on his shoulder, making him stumble back. But she wasn’t angry.

“Oh, honey.” She gave him a sad smile. “Do you know what we always say? We just want Dad to sit down and watch TV with us sometimes. We want Dad to drive to school and honk loudly during closing time. It’s the silly things, the needless things that do so much. Can you understand that?”

Dad didn’t say anything.

He just fell on the couch and chuckled. “I got almond this time.”

• • • •

Dad went out to get the milk and took Tega and I and Mum with him. We sat in the backseat of his car as he lugged milk cartons into the tiny back hatch. Mum nodded at the receipt.

“That’s all the groceries for the day. So—who is ready for an adventure?”

Mum and Tega and I all looked at each other.

He got in the front seat. “Something we’ll all enjoy. The werewolf people cut a deal with me to allow you guys to see their full transformations if we show them some more reality TV. They love that stuff, for some reason.”

Mum held his hand. “We can do that.”

Tega and I cheered.

“TV adventure! TV adventure! TV adventure!”

Dad and all of us gathered by the portal world, and we went in.